I am sitting here in my dining room on this Sunday afternoon and compelled to write this new blog in hopes that it will grant wisdom, comfort insight and clarity in regards to a subject that has been on my mind for quite some time! Lets try 8 years or more! I believe this subject hits home for me in more ways than one! Today as I meal prep for the week I want to take a moment to talk about the motherless mothers! I know you are wondering where this subject or topic came from and I am so glad that you formulated this question in your mind even though you have not be able to audibly ask! Motherless mother!

Well, if you take a moment to think about this, this can apply to a woman who is a daughter, we all have mothers, whether they are present in our lives or not all of us came from a mother in some form! We were all carried by a woman for those long and excruciating months of child bearing! What an amazing task that is, for a woman to hold life within herself! A mother we call came from whether she wanted us or not, you were birthed and we don’t have to wait until your birthDAY to celebrate you, every day you are on this earth, its a pleasure to have you! Nevertheless, we all come from her, a mother we graced this earth! But what do you do when you feel as though you had misfortune concerning the mother that birthed you! Maybe she was on drugs and couldn’t be there for you in the capacity that she wanted to, maybe you suffered from abandonment, maybe your mother was raped or violated and you have no idea so when she looks at you, she rejects you because you remind her of, him!

I know how traumatizing that can be for you and your mother! Its so hard for a woman that grows up who doesn’t have a relationship with her mother! It leads to so many other issues, some women have pioneered past them to turn out to be wonderful mothers, not desiring to continue to cycle of dysfunctional relationships with their children because of what they didn’t receive, from that place of lack they learned to give from that place and for some women’s children it has been their greatest joy, to nourish their child with the love they feel they never received!

These women to were motherless, please don’t misunderstand me, when a woman has a child she does the best that she can by that child from what she learned and/or experienced! However what if your mother experienced nothing but abuse, pain, neglect, abandonment and the many other perils that unfortunately come from being a women only to share those same perils with you! You were in fact, mother-less! You taught your self the best that you could, learned to cook from watching your friends mom, because God only knows how a motherless mother (woman) is affected by a not having one!

I really do believe that the inspiration to write this blog came from a conversation I had with a friend on Friday morning!

Could it be a true that a woman, a mother who has a daughter, that she is the first female friend that she will ever have! Ladies, if you have a daughter, you are her first true friend! Let’s turn that around, what if you have a mother that was not your friend, tell’s all your business the first opportunity that she is given to make you look bad, what if your mother competes with you, talks about your fashion, clothing, and hair selection?

Could it be that so many women are competitive, insecure and traumatized because of the very experiences that they have had with their mothers growing up over the years? The ones that so many are scared to talk about or refuse due to the embarrassment that it may actually bring to the family because of the famous saying, ” what goes on in my home, stays in my home!”

I guess I’m here to serve notice that it never actually stays inside the home! Those little products of the home environment walk out those doors, harm other people, bully other people, compete with others and its extremely sad that its the women doing it! Could it because of what they have experienced from their mothers?

I just wonder! I have talked to countless women over the years who have had absentee parents, some due to unfortunate events that were out of their control such as a parent suddenly passing, etc! I completely understand this form of a motherless mother! However I don’t think the purpose of this particular writing is the focal point, ( my heart sincerely goes out to those who have lost mothers to tragedy, death or passing)!

This article is to shed light on those women whose first abusive female friendship originated from their mother! You were talked about, picked on bullied, it didn’t even seem as though your mother liked you, especially if others showed you favor or some form of attention, it just seemed like bugs crawled up her skin because she was detrimentally irritated due to your recognition! Now you are older, you seem that it is some areas that you are lacking in, now you have children or you may not, (in my case), but you have a young women from the upcoming generation looking up to you because you are a role model to her, she admires you dearly but she has no idea that you didn’t learn what you have mastered from your mother nor the women in your family because you were in fact and are now a mother-less mother!

As I have stated I have met countless women who have shared the horrible stories of how they have been treated by their mom, they were never told they were loved by mom, they couldn’t share any secrets with her so much to the point that some of the women actually even experienced verbal, mental, emotional and unfortunately sexual abuse from their very own mothers!

I question and say no wonder we have so many women that are stuck in dysfunctional friendships with female friends where they are controlled and manipulated to believe it is love, because they are looking for mommy!

No wonder so many women are in dysfunctional relationships with men they can’t walk away from, they are looking for love but have been found by the familiar abusive behavior of mom! No wonder women cant bond with one another and be great because broken women pulls at the strings of their heart because they are different! Just a few things to look at! It hard out here for a women! Trust me I know, and so on this Sunday afternoon, my heart goes out to you, mother-less mother! I say to you, I love you with the love of God, for you have overcome and survived what was meant to destroy! It never feels normal to wake up in the morning and register that you are in the world with no mother, guidance, nurturing or love but for some it is their reality! For these women have raised them self, had children, started organization, blossomed into women with plans and goals, got married and had children simply to love on them as though they never missed love themself and for this I applaud you and say congratulations, your an authentic woman now!

I want you to know that love comes in many forms, and just because you never received it from your mother that doesn’t mean you won’t ever feel it, that you won’t be capable of giving it to your children or fixing it if you have been doing it improper or wrong!

The mother-less mother was also on my heart because I know so many women who have met women, who were older and could have served as a mother in their life, (of course not biologically) whether through mentoring or leading by example but may have allowed jealousy, competition, intimidation or other negative emotions impact the friendship or unfortunately taken that time to prey, break and demean these women because they were also, mother-less mothers!

I looked at women who have pioneered becoming wonderful at every aspect, goal or purpose they have been assigned to do or complete and that is my prayer for you today! That your heart may mend, that you will see that being a mother-less mother(woman) doesn’t have to suffice for bad decision or relationships that are in your life simply because you desire love! You are love, my love! You will get past the pain of being a mother-less mother (woman)! You will receive healing to where the hole has been planted, that void will be filled and you won’t have to put any dysfunctional relationship, drug, alcohol, comfort eating or any other form of self-sabotage to be whole!

You simply need to let yourself, see the beauty within, take time to know your purpose, fall in love with every area of you that you despise, live, breathe and live again! If you need to go to counseling, please do so! If you need to get a journal to pour out on paper, please feel free! Journals can be as low as $1.00 and I promise you it will be worth every penny!

Today, we praying for healing for the mother-less mother, we also pray for the women who were broken as childhood princesses of adult Queens however they did the best they could to raise the children they were blessed with from a devastated, traumatized heart they were given! May YOU find peace to mend the broken places so we can positively affect the upcoming generation of young women with love and virtue, what they may not have experienced by the hands of their biological mother! May those women whom have broken others, may forgiveness be extended to them, may those hurt shift and come to freedom as you alleviate pain and mend their heart Lord, amen!

And remember, ( are we allowed to start a sentence with and?) I love you, you are worthy of love, self-love and care and more importantly, Jesus loves you as well! Trust me, I know for myself!

Until next blog, I love you to life, therefore shift and LIVE!