Sooooo, I wrote a blog the other day pertaining to women and their plague of heartbreak that has been served to them for years! I was astonished to see a couple of the comments and feedback from women however more intrigued at the response of the men. The blog in its entirety was actually a plea for men to understand that we them, we need them to heal so that we can be the team we are suppose to be instead of on the sidelines waiting to be deemed as valuable. I acknowledge that this does not apply to all men, for their are some wonderful men who are looking at the bigger picture of God, family and purpose! However for those whom this blog stepped on their toes and came back around to shake up their minds, no offense! We love you and our aim is never to hurt you, only to tell the truth to spark the conversation for transformation as we so desperately petition you as our men to, allow us to help you!

I received a interesting response to a few of the questions from one of the men who desires to remain anonymous (I completely understand)! I made him aware that I would have to change a few words from his response to make the content appropriate and he stated it would be fine to submit the response for the world to see, know and understand from his perspective, why he is the way that he is and how he has become the way he has become! His response is as follows;

“I don’t think men run from love. Women usually fall in love quicker

and the man rolls with it but normally if a man is cheating he will

continue to cheat even if he had now fell in love with the women

because men normally fall in love with the situation faster than

falling in love with the women.

After speaking with him and asking several more questions I in no way could be upset with his honesty! After all, how can we spark the much needed conversation without a small amount of controversy to begin with and the ease of grace and acceptance to get the man talking! I value his honesty and no ladies, as much as we would like to blame it on him being a bitter black man, ( they do exist, 😉 trust me), this was not the case for this gentleman! This was a man who had been through different situations with women admitted that the encounters helped him to open his eyes to a different truth, one that he now stands upon.

From reading his exert and talking to several other men it actually changed my perspective. I don’t think men run from love, I have come to the understanding that the kind of love that we would like to give to them is foreign! Something that many of them have never experienced before and takes some time to adjust to.

I had another interesting conversation this morning with a gentleman! Of course, he acknowledge that a mature man which has passed the test of time can be considered a O’G! He described a O’G as a man who has endured that which was aimed as a target to break him however served as a means to strengthen. However, what do we do for the men whom it has toughened so much to the point that they don’t know how to open up, have permanently closed off their hearts and now they are cold vaults with no warmth of love? Honestly, life has thrown some of these men horrible experiences and we know in this world it says, only the strong survive.

We fault men who have had no choice but to be strong to endure the detriment of life and now are inwardly conflicted because they cant open up enough to have a balance with knowing how to balance love! I can’t be mad at him for this either, we discussed the vault of a man’s heart and how so many men have been abused in their childhoods. It’s extremely difficult for them to open up, be honest about how they feel, be lovey dovey/cuddly with a women when they have been called derogatory names, ( punk, lil girl, etc), as little boys! Or if they cried, these young men were told, “stop crying like a girl, man up, cry and I’ll cave your chest in!” With that, these men have learned how to walk around with their chest out, filled with smoke and anger and not aware of the balance that it takes to love and be masculine at the same time because they weren’t shown love, emotion or feelings! Some men are not even able to articulate what they feel or process them! What has society done to our men?

I was amazed at this profound insight from this particular man when he stated, “this is why so many men are walking around killing one another,” the inner anger of the unloved I like to call it! I mean just think about it, you have to be angry on another level to take the very last breath of a person’s life over non-sense and not blink twice about it because you felt they deserved it! Is it easier for a man to harm and kill when he doesn’t feel loved or as though his feelings don’t matter?

Let’s just say, I enjoyed the new perspective granted! He was open to answer questions and give insight when I expressed the concern I’ve had for our men over the past year! I haven’t only been concerned, I have had the opportunity to talk to countless men over the past year, men who have married women for their bodies and sexual enticement but forgot to weigh her home management skills of cooking, cleaning, maintaining the same energy in which she met the man with. These men felt bamboozled, swindled into marriage because they were not the same women that they were once they got married. Ladies, I cant tell you how many men have said this! Married women based on what society said they should go after in a woman instead of what they actually needed.

Ladies, I am not taking away from the fact that this happens to women as well, however we as women will get together, cook a good meal and talk about it, releasing our hearts issues, my concern is the men, who don’t! Men who sit around hurt, heartbroken and devastated and feel hopeless because they dont trust anyone enough to share their hearts issues with anyone.

I saw a post the other day which stated, “you have not encountered anything until you have dealt with a bitter man!” Honestly I haven’t ever heard of this term until last year and its questionable, “can a man actually be bitter?” Why, yes, I do believe that he can be! However, the aim is to be available, whole enough as a woman to see and willing enough to help without getting caught in-between!

Men, we are crying out for you to open the vaults of your hearts! Give us the keys that we need in order to listen, to show you that we care, that their are mature women out there who desire to see you in better places mentally and emotionally! We want you to trust us so that we can give you what’s needed so you can mature, not only materialistically, but spiritually and mentally! Men, we are here for you, if you allow us to!!

The heart of a man is like a vault that is so difficult to open, what is the right key! I know alot of men who will listen and have a deep conversation with you however they wont actually release the things that make them vulnerable!

Could it be that the men who have released information to women didnt find out if they could trust them or not? Could it be that men have been branded by a society that has failed them, made them believe that what was best for them, was in retrospect actually what is destroying them! Compansionship, capatibilty is important for a man, regardless if he says it or not! Nothing is like a man who desires to sit and lay his head down because he can talk about the burdens he carries on his beautiful broad shoulders!

I will be honest, Im a woman and I can talk so much! Oppps, I know I’m not the only one!

However I had to literally sit there and ask myself, “Patricia, do you listen when the men speak, do you ask engaging questions to make them aware that you are attentive? Ladies, if we look back over some conversations that we had with some men, when we were mad, in a emotional tornado and tore up anyhing in our way through demeaning word and comments, or throwing what they said to us in confidence and trust back in their face, I love the truth and have to say that some of us may have contributed to the issue of men feeling like they can’t open the vault to their hearts!

Listen, I am not one sided and and if we are going to heal as a people and be better, both parties have to be honest! Men have to be willing to speak and women have to take a step back and acknowledge that is it is hard enough for men to discuss matters of the heart and grant them the room, space and capacity to do so!

Men, we are not against you, we want to help! We don’t want to lose another man to violent frustration and anger! This is a plea for you to talk to us, we are here to help! Its not good for any man to be alone, let alone be in a room full of people and feel that no one understands him. Even though we may not fully understand, we are willing to humble ourselves and acknowledge we have misjudged and mishandled our men. Society told you what to be and we brought into overlooking what you really needed! For that we apologize and acknowledge, you have a heart and feelings as well! We don’t want you to carry around burdens that lead you away from nurture, care and love! Afterall, the vault, our means hearts need affection to and love just may be the key to unlocking the vaults to your hearts!