He made the mistake… now what? Can he make a mistake-part 2!!
Can he make a mistake: part 2
With God breathed inspiration from my last blog from 2021 in which I delve into the conversation, more like a petition to understand what is going on with our men!
The blog posted February 23,2022 title, CAN HE MAKE A MISTAKE,” as the prelude question that led me into my next dimension or shall I say assignment! Now I emerge, full resurrected because I had to die to my flesh(understanding), buried by the desire to blame but accept that my understanding was COMPLETELY WRONG only to be RESURRECTED by grace to know HE MADE THE MISTAKE- now-what do you do???
In every person there is this innate ability to desire perfection. I mean crave it to some much you can sink your teeth into the very depth of its root word-perfect!
Perfect for some people is to completely evade who they are and BECOME a completely different person- minus all the flaws they have because they want to be someone else! Perfection- a desire to be motivated and not FULL of procrastination. You desire to be fit and healthy verus flabby and on your way to McDonald’s for that cherry pie with cream cheese filing with the order of fresh French fries and maybe a coke with light ice to compliment! You need to get the full gulp to clear the back of your throat- trust me woman, I KNOW!
You desire to fulfill every New Years resolution that will make you this new YOU! More loving, less judgemental and the woman at the top of his priority list for every holiday. You want perfection so you can be loved but every time, you fail! But then you still revive it. Having a baby out of wed lock- grace!
Fornicating every Saturday because of the thoughts all week!
Come on now, alot of women experience emptiness where the only way to feel is through self destructive habits that produce nothing! You trying to feel and do I need to mention the battle to feel fulfilled-grace.
You want the perfect body, credit score, friends, self-care routine to show yourself love and can’t forget the cute little dog that complete the package-grace! And finally the perfect relationship- grace!
The only issue is that the man that you love and desire to marry and have 2.5 children with(why did they ever say 2.5, I have no idea) grace! Grace because he’s not perfect!
And that my love is the issue, he isn’t perfect but neither am I and sorry to hit you with a ton of bricks-neither are you!!
So WHY IS IT SO HARD TO ACCEPT, nurture, RESTORE AND FORGIVE A MAN WHO ISN’T PERFECT- when all he needs is grace!
He lies, cheats, manipulates, belittles, misses gym days, skips car payments, has no credit score because he doesn’t know what it is, has children across the world and one on the way(unbeknownst to him) because he’s a rolling stone still rolling like his papa-he’s just simply never settled long enough to commit- primarily to you when that’s so desperately what you want and desire!
He’s all over the place and you see it! You can’t stand it and now your ready to leave him completely because he’s not your ideal image of the vision that you envision for yourself… HES NOT PERFECT!
But I want to help you today- have we stopped to think about him as a individuals! That in his mind he knows this, fights with it everyday with a shattered heart- I’m not the man I thought I was! Im messing up, sabotaging the very thing that I want! I’m making mistakes!!
Todays question, “he made the mistake, where is the grace?”
We live in a society that erases every good example of a man fathering his children, loving his wife, being a faithful husband, community anchors and so forth and loving it! We erase men who have human moments and cry because black men are supposed to cry or show emotion. We look on tv and see men deflowering women with pregnancy because he had no intention to on marrying her, we can look in a community and see this scenario over and over again! Multiple babies by multiple women. We can see a man going to work making money to take his girlfriend on a trip while he pays no attention to the children he’s fathered, sending no support for the child let along being his support! We see men playing house with several women with no intention of marrying any of them because he’s only committed to himself and finally the man who can’t love because he’s never been loved. He performs the best he knows how by being sexually active with several women weekly and doesn’t share this with them- his little secret and that’s how he’ll keep it!
Our men- preferably young boys because they’ve never been taught how to be full grown men because his father is still in jail, selling drugs, in the streets, lost, conflicted and confused and we can’t forget-not serving the Lord! Hmmmm
Is this the issue?
But I have something to tell you, men who serve the Lord have these issues as well! NOBODY IS PERFECT… He made the mistake and now he needs to know that for his mistake their is grace! I
We live in a society that demasculates and demonizes our men to where they make the mistake- go to jail, sell drugs, create families while abandoning their role, cheat and the list goes on and on!
He deceives others but allow me to ease your pain, a man that deceives himself will in fact deceives others, he just doesn’t know he’s deceived first!
Women have so many examples of goodness pertaining to womanhood! As little girls we are taught to strive for perfection that we may be chosen to be his queen and live in the royal palace! Cook, clean, make his favorite meals (the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach)while taking care of the kids and still being the perfect size to compliment him on his arm because he’s looking for perfection!
What is wrong with us?
Painted portraits of perfection with secret shattered pieces and lines of dysfunction behavior!
He has to BE so perfect it’s no room for him!
Perfect biceps and triceps, perfect abs, car, house and woman to compliment!
But he’s not perfect and nobody knows it-he makes mistakes he won’t speak of because he fears letting others down. So he repeats the same behavior over and over again! His bed becomes his casket as he dies daily thinking about the mistakes he’s made
because he can’t forgive himself!
Forgiveness- how can he forgive himself if we aren’t showing LOVE AND GRACE that we forgive him!
He made the mistake and it hurt, disappointed, let down and broke everyone’s heart including yours momma, girlfriend, wife, sister, son,daughter, aunt, uncle, grandpa and grandma! But before he hurt you, family and friends- he hurt, betrayed, manipulated, deceived, used and abused himself. You only received the leftovers my love and for that and on his behalf- I’m sorry!
But inwardly he feels like he’s sorry and just can’t get right!
And he’s made mistakes before but this time is different because he hurt the one who allowed him to be himself so he could come to himself. He hurt the one who didn’t need to be hurt again which caused him to question: why am I like this? He hurt the one he saw a future with, marriage, family, kids, dogs, prosperity-a new life and new beginning! He hurt the one who didn’t require much but he couldn’t give anything! And now the change!
I’m reminded of the scripture: Roman’s 7:21 when I wanted to do right we inevitably do wrong!
Ladies but more importantly gentleman- please listen to me! We all have two sides working in is! One of the spirit which is of God but has to be tamed, disciplined, nurtured and matured to obey God! The unruly man- the one without morals or a godly compass needs grace to mature and get it right a second time just like the woman who gets pregnant out of wedlock, the woman sleeping around to pay her bills, the woman who commits adultery, the woman who steals to feed her children, the woman who uses mens sexually to make herself feel whole but secretly cries when he leaves because she contemplating suicide because she’s- dying inside(secretly because no one see’s her on a level of intimacy!
Do we love our men?
If so, we would have compassion! Not to give him a free pass so he can make the same mistake over and over again-so that when he looks at himself in the mirror, when he finally decides to try and give it another try he can be strengthened to know his mistakes aren’t hanging over his head. He can hold his head up and become the man he was always meant to be. He can be proud of himself that he got rid of the pride, we forgive and love him and keep no record of wrong- not only for this wonderful man of God but so we- as the people who uphold his hands when his eyes are sullen but he repents and changes his mind WE ALL CAN WIN!
Therefore when he makes the mistakes and he hurts you- do yourself a favor before you hate him- give grace and FORGIVE HIM!!
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